Life after divorce offers a nice time for reflection, but it hardly seems that way. It can often seem like an oppressive state of regret and loneliness. It is, for better or worse, a time to reassess and to place pointed emphasis on the possibilities of the future. But, how much of this time should be spent toiling in the past and how much of it should be spent looking at the wide open horizon of the future?
Based on the wording of the above, it seems senseless to look at the past. But, that can be a little unfair (and, to be frank, pretty unlikely). The past divorce is worth contemplating if only to discover hidden mistakes and actions that put a person in the situation to begin with.
Divorce is Worth Toiling Over
A common piece of advice is to just look at the future and forget the past. Of course, this is impractical and possibly not all that healthy. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with looking at the marriage. It is how one looks at the marriage that makes everything. For example, it should not be seen as longing. The marriage is over, and hoping for a rekindled relationship is not the way to contemplate it. It should be seen as an end to a chapter, not a bookmark to be continued another day. There are lots of ways to contemplate marriage, but ignoring it for the wide open future is not only impractical, but it may open up a door of being completely overwhelmed.
When the Future Matters
What will really make the future glow bright and cheery? The answer is time. It is truly only time that can bridge a solid gap between the end of a marriage and the firm look at the possibilities of the future. The other cliché here is that time heals everything, and maturity post-divorce will allow anyone to reflect on their mistakes without a strong sense of longing and failure.
Readers can find a great article on life after divorce by following people they trust and hearing stories. It is a wonderful way to get out of one’s own head and to look at how similar people really are despite separation in time and place.